Many of us experience significant stress at work. Those who have kept their employment are asked to perform more tasks with fewer resources as businesses continue to reduce their workforce.
Others were forced to accept a fall in benefits or a pay cut. Some of us have been thrust into responsibilities and tasks we didn’t request.
And some of us collaborate with people we don’t know well or work for unpleasant bosses.
Toxic positivity claims that you can influence your outcome by being positive and thinking positively, regardless of how complex, stressful, or challenging the situation is.
When we engage in toxic positivity, we place the burden of enduring and persevering in unhealthy, dysfunctional, and damaged structures and systems on the individual.
We don’t allow space for expressing unpleasant emotions or demonstrating compassion or empathy.
And we don’t talk about the genuine problems that affect us at work.
Leaders can stop toxic positivity by implementing three practices at work:
1. Listen
We have all been taught to talk a lot and keep talking. People seek out space and support to express themselves vulnerably when they feel comfortable enough with us to discuss the pain or harm they are going through. They seek attention. Let them say what they are going through. This implies that you should refrain from overusing words. This calls for attentive listening rather than making snap decisions or judgments, which is where toxic positivity can infiltrate.
2. Pause providing advice
Some people often use cliches like “Time cures all wounds,” “Your attitude is everything,” and “Be grateful for what you have learned,” which are all manifestations of poisonous optimism.
Many of us learned these sayings, these nuggets of wise counsel, from an early age. We could accidentally use these statements when responding in a hurry to help, appear supportive, or solve a situation.
Put off giving immediate advice in response. By responding with toxic positivity, we diminish and may even ignore the other person’s perspective. We don’t make room for their negative feelings. We also give them phony assurances when their circumstances are out of their control.
3. Offer support
Be careful to offer assistance and support when they have time and space to talk. I’m sorry that this is occurring, you can say. How may I assist you? What more can I do for you today? Instead, “Is there anything I can do right now?”
Take their lead and only offer to assist in brainstorming solutions if they are willing to accept it. They could require assistance formulating their strategy for approaching their manager, contacting Human Resources, or examining their job descriptions. They may need help improving their LinkedIn profile and resume to explore new possibilities. The most important thing is to be sincere when you offer to help and support someone in whatever way feels right for them and to make sure you do it.
If the other person is quiet or acting emotionally, refrain from speaking. You could say something like, “Take your time,” “I am here to listen,” or “Thank you for trusting me to hear about your experience” if you want to support them and let them know you are listening. Nonverbal cues such as leaning in, making eye contact, and nodding indicate that you are paying attention and are not otherwise preoccupied.
We have a responsibility to keep toxic positivity out of our workplaces. We become the leaders our workplaces need us to be when we listen without needing to speak up in response, and instead extend sincere support.
